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Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha
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Reading through the last few years of my blog was momentarily crushing.
I felt so bad for this mother...for her family.
I wanted her to know so many things... that she would survive the test, and at this new time, she does.
Yes, I am that mother, but also more.
In time, always.
All of those eight children began to show signs of illness. The medical mystery is now narrowed to a few likely suspects.
A child bound for surgery, another on oxygen...
I came here to nurture and guide these Beings through this...and I will not falter.
We are on the course to figure this all out.
We are so blessed to be here for this moment...together.
Things have a way of working out if you can tolerate the twists and turns and remain patient.
You just can't become so twisted that you lose sight of the journey and Love!
For as much as we can be...upon this beautiful hill...within the forest....we are well.
On the night of my birthday I woke up and looked out the window and to my wonderment...
A glittering Star suddenly fell across a crescent moon with stars all aligned!!
Lord Shiva's earring!!
So, what can I impart to you on this beautiful shining day?
That we are well enough and grateful for the wondrous amount of Love and hope we have.
That in the midst of this grief I had...over well...everything...
Our sweet Pujari helped remind me of who I am and gave me the answer for certain, that Lord Shiva was not only really real, but also that He was really really and most truly with me....with us all.
I found a rock to stand on...Higher ground, if you will.
I think maybe it's just the way it is. If He let's you know 100% then you should probably hold on tight. Because you only get to know for certain if you truly need to know.
As always, the pressure is on once you know. No more playing the part of the renegade...no more illusion.
It's hard to give up the illusion...so much so...we cling to it as a raft upon the ocean of consciousness....
But to jump over the side into that bliss. That is home, nothing to fear.
You lose nothing, and gain the Youniverse.
Bills, creeping politicians....people dying...all this struggle and suffering on a cosmic level.
You could dive deep enough that the cacophony of this gross manifested existence becomes drowned out. I have sometimes.
But. to live in this realm requires a certain level of self control and I have tentatively made peace with this.
So we deal with bills, a broken water heater...oh maybe even a category hurricane wiping out one of the places dearest to your heart. You watch the sweetest, purest lil soul become frail... and ill.
and the best you can do is to nurture, to inspire...to cheer in the face of such adversity.
To not only survive but thrive and we do so without question.
I had a rock you see...always under me. So I could never drown in misery or fall into despair.
At night, through the worst of it....I closed my eyes and climbed up into Lord Shiva's arms.
He held me while I cried.
I felt silly really. I know we will be fine...I know this.
The reason I have not been writing here is for a few reasons.
One, I had someone coming here and using my words to make their own posts. It was someone fairly impressive and at first to see them do so was a bit flattering. Then I had them make a comment towards me that made me reconsider. I hope they never read this perhaps final entry here...but if they do...
Beloved, until you learn to live truly live...and stop hiding behind that orange robe...you will never learn the lessons and be able to create the words I do. Is it better to steal the wisdom instead of seeking it for yourself?? Do you want to come back here? Are you helping this world with your actions? Once you and your associate advised us to "fake it till you make it" Is that so?? That my friend, can only take you so far.
In the end you have to find your own voice and whatever wisdom you have gained from being the person YOU are. Not me. I am the least optional person to go looking for true wisdom. I hope you have a life full of Love...and I wish you well.
Secondly, I felt like Lord Shiva may not want me to be advising anyone, after all...who the hell am I to say what anyone else should do? I am no guru...no wise being. Mostly, no one is.
I will tell you one thing I know. Lord Shiva is a Being who self created Himself from the giant blob of Supreme Consciousness. He exists as a fully functioning part of Supreme Consciousness.
How I know he exists is the foundation of everything I now understand. I will tell you how this came to be...trusting that only individuals who He finds acceptable and also would have the patience to read this account will see this. It lies in obscurity and I will do nothing to increase the likelihood of it finding a larger audience.
Two things happened nearly back to back.
In one of trips to our temple...in much duress. I asked our sweet Pujari....
Where is Lord Shiva?
His laugh filled the temple.
"My dear girl....if not with you, then with who????"
He went back to starting the arti, going back and forth till he froze in mid step at the feet of Lord Ganesh. He pivoted on his heels with his eyes wide and put his hands out to me.
"My Lord has something to tell you...."
"Soup Bowl. You're children are eating soup bowl???"
I laughed..and unfortunate, nervous and knee jerk reaction. My children never ate soup.. unless I made pumpkin or potato soup. Neither had I made. So I shrugged my shoulders.
My husband had taken his words far more serious. He called home and asked if they had perhaps a can of soup. The only thing he could think of was a can of chicken noodle.
The kids laughed and said no...(they only ate can of chicken noodle when ill) they thought it was a weird call and question.
We all went about our night and as we returned home I went into the kitchen to find that my big 13 pound Narmada Lingam had arrived from India a week early and was sitting on the kitchen counter next to a Ramen Soup Bowl from Maruchan.
The words blazed across the front in red SOUP BOWL.
This place on the counter I now hold as a place as holy as any temple...it's a place I visit...put my hand and remember what happened.
Now, this Pujari is like a father to me. I Love him, sincerely I do...
But, it took all these years to process this.
Both my husband and myself had no idea about what the children ate or even that a Ramen had the words Soup Bowl on it. We call them Maruchan Ramen.
You see, I had always just thought we humans were connected so perhaps when the Pujari was so ridiculously correct about things, perhaps it was my deep connection with him that allowed him to correctly guess.
But, on this night...there was no way that happened. We were both flabbergasted by his message.
None of us could have known this, and this wasn't the only time he managed to do that to me.
Once, I was praying to Lord Shiva during this giant pooja during Sandhi Puja ..we all had individual spots on the floor doing a puja to Mataji.
I was also doing one in my mind at the same time...it was VERY hard to do both...and I was feeling silly being so distracted that I was pressed upon against a shrine so I sat upon the bench outside of Mahavir shrine and got yelled at for resting there. I have seen others sit there many many times. But I felt bad for causing someone to be upset.
I crammed myself in between bench and shrine yet again and continued the mental puja and the physical one in front of me...then I prayed to Lord Shiva..."Lord do you even get this extra pooja I am doing mentally or am I just being silly??"
I was asking this question as we all got up from the ground and moved towards Ambamataji when suddenly our Pujari froze, pivoted on his heels and said...
"My Lord has a message for you.... You know when you are doing this puja in your mind...the Lord wants you to know that He gets this puja and he is pleased with it so keep doing so!"
I fell to my knees...began to sob.
All of the people around me kept moving forward and I just sat there in a lump crying.
How had he done this yet again???
How could he know and answer that question within seconds?
Writing this all out now it makes me want to travel back to that temple and tell him how grateful I am to him. To give him my Heart once again.
I do apologize for the lack of my usual lyrical writing style, but this was just so important to be the utmost factual that I decided to plainly write.
Also I wanted this to be known, that I am not only the bearer, but also the receiver of a tremendous amount of Love and Joy! Our family is so wonderful...and I am so truly lucky.
Blessed beyond measure and I tell you that my gratitude to my Beloved Lord Shiva, Beautiful Shri Mata Parvatiji, Sweet Lord Ganesh and darling Lord Kartikeya is boundless as the Love I share with them.
Because Lord Shiva wasn't just telling me He was real, he was showing me He's here...right here with me. Every single day.
And that is the crux of it...
Because once you truly know He's real...how can you ever be the same? It changes everything inside and yet outside, nothing.
Even if you tell others...a second hand report is not proof to them...it will not hold that person though life's struggles. Each of us has to find our own way to know Him.
But, it can encourage another to seek for themselves... I am hoping I have given you an adequate enough report on my experience that it will do that for the ones He sends to read this.
That Lord Shiva may bless the ones who find this blog and give them the answers they are seeking about Him.
Om Namah SHIVA!
I wanted to add something I felt as I walked away from this and went about my day...
Ultimately, this post was about something far greater than myself.
It is in my heart today to say...
That if a bumbling mother from the hills can discover this Truth, anyone can.
I am not only not special, but probably the least likely candidate for wisdom.
Strive on Beloved...Strive on.
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