We...
Are orphans of circumstance.
Set adrift upon a turbulent sea, we flail.
Unsure of the destination or even the sea worthiness of our vessel, we sail.
We ride on the winds of chance, led by a courageous heart and a determined spirit, we prevail...
M.E.
~
The girl wrapped within a middle age body, wearing flip flops, placed the last log on the fire as she plopped down into her camping chair. The trees made a circle that framed the brilliantly shining night sky.
Her smallest...two 4 year old children...a boy and a girl...sat together holding hands on a near by log.
Having a momentary lapse in thought, she quickly warned them both about getting to close to the fire. "Be careful... the fire can pop and throw out sparks ...the wood is wet."
The boy child, Birdy...cocked his head sideways and closed his eyes in thought. "Mommy...why does wood pop?"
"As the wood breaks down in the fire it breaks down into gasses...those gasses in the wood and also moisture in the wood... water vapor... wet wood especially... cause the popping sound as the pressure builds up."
These lil twins both nodded in unison which made the mother chuckle..."And now you know..."
They sat in silence together listening for the snaps and pops from the fire. As they listened, they each looked to the sky just in time to see a comet streak across the sky.
Birdy pointed to the sky "Look mommy!!"
The mother gasped instinctively...."Birdy! Don't..."
Birdy looked to his mother inquisitively..."What mommy??"
The mother dusted off her hands upon her jeans and leaned back into her chair as she let out a tremendous sigh....
"Nothing sweetheart... Isn't that a beautiful comet?? We were lucky to catch it! If we sit here long enough we will see the space station! I'll let you know when it comes overhead."
~
1975
~
The girl looked into the velvet blue night sky with wonder. As the other children raced around the grassy meadow trying to catch one of the hundreds of fireflies scattered in the high grass.
Awestruck, she put out a hand towards the stars and pointed to the largest one. "I love her the best!"
Quickly, her mother grabbed her hand and placed it abruptly back to her side.
"Never point at the stars... they are angels... and every time you do... that angel goes blind."
The girl began to cry... her thoughts raced...and her mind began creating a blind little angel in a heavenly palace above her.
A tale told to a four year old... sends waves into a future.
Over time, the girl "blinded" perhaps three or so dozen angels...each one...more troubling than the last. She had prayed vigorously each time she had negligently put a hand out towards them...but she worried this would never be enough...coming from such a tiny person.
Until the day came, at last... when in a third grade glass. Her beliefs were challenged by a host of other children in her science class.
As she walked home from school in the blustery March weather she wiped the rain and tears from her face.
For... either she had been lied to her entire life... with an extremely cruel lie... or the entire classroom and teacher were wrong.
She cried for her ignorance, for believing such a thing could be possible...and she cried for the betrayal of trust which had become fractured tremendously by the moment.
Both parents have died and this moment lost long ago... we never had a chance to speak about those things which could have potentially hurt their feelings. I do so wish they had made it to this moment so they could have seen the Mother that i have become... and to answer to some of those wackier moments. I am sure it was in an effort to teach us to not point...however it was a really unfortunate way to go about it. But, that's the benefit of being here now...and not then. We have the luxury of hindsight.
We, as parent are imperfect, flawed and have a tendency to make mistakes... and some just might give us the strength to break free of our cultural and societal norms.
For better or worse, these are the things which allowed me the courage to seek out Lord Shiva. The gift of questioning... of doubting...and seeking.
Though my children will never be afraid of pointing out their favorite star in the endless night sky... I am sure my mistakes will give them an even further insight.
But, most definitely...they have learned one thing for certain....
That they should never be afraid to reach out to those stars.
Om Namah Shiva<3
This past week, Lord Shiva returned to my home. Baby steps.
